Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants and My Heart Is A Needy Motherfucker

That pretty much sums up my so called love life. Cept, it ain't really love cuz there is no such thing as love in high school. Sure, Degrassi has taught me through the years that you can be sooooo in love but something like divorce/pregnancy/abortion/evil twin/stabbing/death/really hard math test/only 122 Facebook friends can totally ruin it but never fear! In only two episodes you hormonal Canadians will be porking once again.

But then...Reality bitch slaps for thinking that life is a giant hormonal Canadian sex sandwhich.

I'm not like hugely insane about anyone right now. There are a few here in there that stick out to me more than others but I am at the point now where I'm sick of looking for one. When is someone gonna be looking for me huh? I'm just as good as that skanky mcslutlsut you be digging and I don't have STDs (Bonus!) But alas, I am in that pergutory of love known as the FRIENDZONE.

Don't get me wrong, I love my guy friends. They're hysterical and chronic doosh bags and enjoy my rants about the importance of appreciating latex condoms because "Back in my day!..." etc. etc. They're awesome. Period.

BUT! there's always a but...

There are moments, with 2 in particular, where my heart suddenly goes "Ya know? He's pretty great..."

Me: Yea he's mah bestie

Vagina: Can we fuck him?

Me: No Pooter! He's like my brother.

Heart: No...YOU'RE like a sister TO HIM.....You liiiiiike him...

Me: No i do not! We are just friends!

Vagina: But..but..I WANT I WANT!

Me: Shut up Pooter!

Heart: You can't deny me. I kinda always know what you're feeling

Me: I am not listening to this

Heart: Explain to me then why everytime he brings "her" up, you get all tense and defensive


Vagina: WANT PENIS!!!


Heart: Answer the question Ginger.

Me: I don't know....It...It just drives me crazy that he wants to be with her and would be so great to her and she's completely blind to how fantastic he is. And if they do get together, what happens to me? Am I just gonna stand on the sidelines while he tells her everything, everything he used ot tell me? Is she going to ya know, replace me? And and and what if she hurts him? God I'd kill her. A great guy like him only comes once and if she blows this I!...I'll....I don't know what i'll do but it wont be pretty! I just...I want him to be happy...And I wanna be part of that happiness....


Heart:.....You like him....


Brain: Hey, you need to pee like right now.

Me: Thanks!


Let it be known that that conversation happens at least daily, normally more than once. And him? I am no where on his or his mind. No matter what I say or do or how I try to be, I'm just not. And for whatever reason, I can't stand that


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